The trick to getting it all figured out is understanding that nobody, ever, has it all figured out.
Dreams, goals, ideals, and destinies are all elusive when we’re “doing what I have to do today in order to get there one day.” I put that in quotations because I have thought that way and made important decisions using that rationale more times than I’d like to admit. And after each episode – maybe it’s two years at an intense job or eight months on a client’s “very cool” project – we find ourselves asking, again, how do I get to that place up there? How do I change the world and feel great about it? And then we take another job or project that we think will springboard us into that fluffy cloud of success and joy.
I’ve met happy, clear, peaceful people in all sorts of jobs in different corners of the world. There is a sense of clarity and calm about them. They are direct and present.
This is not because they don’t have bills to pay, mouths to feed, or relationship struggles. They are still human. It’s because they are already there. They continuously create a fulfilling life built on their basic, changing, and uniquely individual needs. They are not seeking exceptionalism in and of itself. They know that Santa Claus (the mythical beast) isn’t real.
The biggest challenge I see facing my generation (plus and minus a decade) is bridging the gap between being told as a kid “you can do and be anything you want in the world!” and being able to say “wow, I figured out what feels good to me and I’m living it!” The problem is the murky waters that lie in between where the ability to “do and be anything” morphed in our heads into a debilitating expectation of extraordinary.
Somehow, society said, “hey, you’re the generation that will change the world!” and we heard, “if I’m not changing the world I’m a failure and unworthy of a happy life.” Suddenly, simple pleasures, day-to-day conversations, basic need and honest relationships took a back seat to the incredible BURDEN of a pie in the sky fantasy of slaying dragons and raking in millions. A self-imposed imaginary burden.
Maybe we should be asking ourselves, how do I change myself and feel great about it?
The problem is, if you don’t have a clear goal in mind of what you want to create or be or do, that great job or once-in-a-lifetime experience is only going to springboard you right into a vast abyss (or splat against a wall). The void of where your true desires once existed: the land before time.
Awesome Erika!
I really resonate with what you have written here. It seems that we are all collectively arriving at the same paradoxical conclusions. That YES we can be and do whatever we want and that includes outwardly great things, but it doesn’t mean it is our “destiny” to do so or that we will be any happier making millions then we would living in a tiny house in a small town and working at a diner.
It’s been a long road but I am stoked that we seem to be arriving at a gentler place, within and together.
with love~ Anah